Remember those young and carefree days of August when I naively put all of the skincare I found in my house all over my face and hoped for the best? And how I didn’t think I needed sunscreen since I can’t remember the last time I felt the sun and the outdoor air on my face?
Well, I’ve discovered skincare TikTok. And apparently I’ve been completely wrong about everything. I’m not sure why it took an app for people a lot younger than me to learn but here we are.
Turns out, I do need sunscreen even if it’s just a mocking reminder of the outdoors I never experience and I’m even supposed to re-apply it several times a day, although though I’m pretty sure we all learned that was just for when we swam around all day in the ocean.
It also turns out that using skincare products that are definitely more than five years old is a bad idea even when those skincare products were very expensive and for some reason you bought them and opened them but then never used them and let them pile up in a box.
Confusingly, I’m also not supposed to put 12 products on my face at once even if these same TikTokers extoll the virtues of all 12 products in various posts.
Yes, my face did eventually turn red and blotchy and burn a lot. So I guess the TikTokers are right.
The problem, of course, of realizing that the mages of a youth app hold the skincare wisdom that has eluded you is that the app is, by definition, for youth. The anti-aging advice begins with phrases like “once you’re in your 30s, you’ll want to switch it up to…”. I’ve found zero posts that begin with “now that you’re almost 50 and find those words nearly impossible to type because surely that can’t be true, can it..?”
In addition to learning through TikTok, I’m also learning by doing. For example, the TikTokers are very pro retinol and I do have both (expired I’m sure) prescription and over the counter versions so I have started using them a couple of nights a week.
I’m also attempting DIY waxing.
Last night, I tore the skin right below my eyebrows. Both eyes! Apparently, you’re not supposed to both wax and use retinol, although this also is confusing. Do all these retinol TikTokers not wax? I read that you’re supposed to stop using retinol two weeks before waxing but am I the only one who has to wax every two weeks? The math just doesn’t add up. Maybe frequent waxing needs is also not an issue of the young.
I’ve also discovered haircare TikTok. You may recall the time I almost poured a bottle of ketchup on my head. Things have escalated. Yesterday, I cut my own layers! And I think it doesn’t look terrible! Although to be fair, I can only really see the front of my hair.
I keep coloring my hair darker and darker, which is a pretty bad idea for someone who was mostly grey even before the stress of a pandemic. Grey roots are noticeable INSTANTLY on dark hair, so my hair coloring schedule is similar to my waxing schedule. This is also a terrible idea and yes, I am finding a lot more hair on my shower floor than normal.
Anyway, yes, I don’t ever see the outdoors or people in real life, but I have A LOT more Zoom calls than in normal times. I just try to pretend everyone is looking at video on their phones and not the huge HD monitors that they actually are using, especially since even the thought of makeup and hair styling make me so exhausted, I have to lie down. I can barely change out of my comfy warm robe before a Zoom call starts.
If you happen to see me on the screen, with my self-cut hair and my waxing injuries and possibly my comfy robe, just squint as though the picture of me is too small for you to see and we can all just be professionals about all this.